When we got back together seven years ago after a twelve month separation, most people rolled their eyes. It is funny how so many people are really disappointed to see you try again and believe that once separated there is absolutely no going back. 'People' can be very negative and convincing, insisting that far too much water has passed under your bridge for you to ever be happy together again. What a crock of s***e I say!
As a strong believer in constantly moving forward with your life and rarely looking back unless it is to smile over old memories, I can honestly tell you that you can sometimes step back in order to move forward again. Absolutely! Of course, I'm not including any abusive relationship here, get out of those and stay out! I mean the type of relationship where you were once a good team and madly in love. Something happened like an affair, a fight or plain old boredom set in and you feel like it is time to move on. Personally for me, it was a whole mixture of things.
When we first met as teenagers we were both very different, he was quiet, a bit unsociable and wanted nothing more than to settle down with a comfy pair of slippers and to read the paper in front of a cosy fire. I was the opposite. Wild, bold and wanting to party. I did settle down and I thrived on motherhood, we became a good team and were rarely apart. 'People' often interfered and told us that our relationship wasn't healthy because we spent way too much time together. That always baffled me because it felt like the most natural thing in the world to be together all the time, but those negative comments start to sow small seeds and before you know it, you start to believe those voices and resentments begin to creep in through any tiny crack they can find.
Those tiny cracks then become huge massive potholes and all sorts of rubbish then manages to find it's way in, leaving you feeling like the only way to fix it is to abandon ship. Sometimes a break is needed. A step back to repair the damage and to figure out the issues at the root of the problem can be a great marriage healer. Your break up was painful and the anger was raw, but those feelings do start to fade as you begin to start working on building a new friendship with your spouse. The break up can be a fresh line in the sand, as you work on forgiveness both sides then become smooth, clean and fresh. Resentments begin to disappear and you start to like each other again, even falling in love all over again.
For me, I realised that I missed being married. I missed the companionship, the familiarity, the little things he used to do for me, the way he loved me, adored me. All those things that I had started to resent, I started to miss. I realised that I'm not so perfect and that I needed to work on a few things, it wasn't all him. Thankfully, we had suddenly found ourselves on the same page.
The route to repairing your marriage takes effort from both sides, Old hurts can not be mentioned again and constantly reminding yourself that you are now in a new relationship helps with the recovery process. Recognise that changes need to be made on both sides, never just one. Ask each other what you need to be happy then work on making those things happen for your partner. It is not easy, but it is so worth it if both are willing to try.